How to take space for sanity’s sake
It’s the end of yoga class and I’m sitting on my mat listening to the teacher saying something about “creating space in our bodies so that we can create more space in our daily lives.” That by creating space for breath and stillness within ourselves in even the most difficult poses, we can create space in the real world. I’m simultaneously thinking about the calls and meetings I’ll be jumping back into after this. But the phrase sticks with me and I examine what this means.
What does it look like to “create space” in our daily lives?
I begin to think about how often I even realize that I’m breathing throughout the day. The answer was never. It did not take me long to do the math on that one. On any given day, I’m jumping in and out of back to back meetings, clients, paperwork, laundry, etc. And throughout the day, my shoulders steadily creep up to my ears and my neck is strained and my jaw is clenched. No breathe, No space. In addition to the physical cues, I also started to notice the emotional ones, particularly for me, the anxiety around responding to emails. My immediate responses lacked thought, sometimes had errors, and mostly I realized that if I had just taken a minute to pause, I could’ve figured out a better solution and/or response. Typically, I would get an email, feel a little jolt of anxiety, and respond as quickly as I could. After all, I needed to get this off my plate so I could get to the other tasks on my list and obviously this needed to be answered right away or else the building would probably go up in flames and my boss would think I’m inept. Later, I would realize that if I had just given myself some time to think it through, I would have responded with more clarity and less regret.
When we’re presented with a stimulus or trigger, our body goes into “fight or flight.” This doesn’t just turn on when we’re being chased by a wild animal, but in our everyday interactions. Our physical and emotional response can be more or less intense, depending on the person, but ultimately, it’s telling us to respond, even when we’re not in any actual danger. Everyone has different triggers, so learning what yours are is a great place to start. So, when an email from my boss comes in and I feel a brief panic, it’s a similar response to what I’d get if I saw a spider crawl across my desk. Most of the time, we don’t actually need to respond right away. We can take a couple minutes to think about what we want to do, if anything at all. Smash the spider into smithereens, or let it crawl away.
We have become accustomed to immediate responses and same day delivery. Anything slower has somehow translated to being rude, inconsiderate or “delayed.” But when we can create space between stimulus and response, it can allow for so much more meaning and intentionality.
I didn’t have space left in my office for more framed wall art with quotes, so I put a bright pink Post-It on my monitor, directly in my line of vision that reads “pause, breathe, respond”. This simple intervention is one way that helps me create space. Eventually, I can move my practice from work emails to text messages, and then maybe even in one on one conversations with others in real time. It really does make a difference.
Where are you struggling to make space? What kinds of triggers make you feel like you need to respond quickly? What are the “poses” that are most difficult for you to pause in? Try to notice these throughout your day and think about the space within your body, the space between your breaths, and how you can interrupt these immediate reactions with breath and pause.
Footnote: We still would probably kill the spider, though. Progress, not perfection.
be well,
erica + erica