Doing “hot girl shit” … while not freezing out your real feelings.

Let’s talk a little about social media, seeking attention, and how the marriage of these is impacting not only the hot folks, but our society at large.

We are all aware of the wild polarization that is social media. One swipe we’re LMAO over a a hilarious meme about therapy and the next swipe and send us into a downward spiral on why we aren’t in Tulum “living our best lives”. There are those who have created inspiring brands on social media or who use their platform as a way to spread joy. There are also ways that social media has caused great harm both directly and indirectly in the form of bullying, spreading misinformation, and promoting unattainable standards, just to name a few. How do we enjoy the pros of social media without getting sucked into the vortex of continuous but empty or harmful dopamine hits.

Social media is just another medium in which our innate need to be seen and accepted is triggered. We might not feel noticed or important in our families or by our peers, but social media allows us to cast a much wider net to a much larger audience. This can be super helpful - there are many who are not accepted by their family or close friends for one reason or another, and being able to connect with a safe and supportive community is incredibly healthy and essential for our wellbeing. Not to mention the adrenaline rush when we post something creative or funny and watch the likes and comments trickle in. I mean, who doesn’t love a notification for 74 (and counting) “hearts” as an afternoon pick-me-up. It does get tricky though. It’s a slippery slope between posting content we feel good about and want to share with the world, and relying on other’s opinions of us to determine how we’ll feel about ourselves this week.

We are constantly influenced by others. I mean, the “influencer” career was literally birthed from social media. People paid to influence what we buy, what we make for dinner, how to exercise, how to pose for said Instagram post. Lots of this content is super positive, unique, inspiring and validating. And then there are the posts that are unrealistic that might make you question yourself. I mean, am I supposed to feel like I don’t need botox even though these Instagram filters are all meant to make my skin glowing and flawless? How do we process the posts about monetary success and the message of “if you just do these 5 things you’ll be so successful and rich”, when we know how individual and unique everyone’s lived experience is and that these “5 steps” are not typically, one size fits all?

Unless you are following the Luddite Clubs among us who are forgoing technology entirely, you’re probably wondering how do we operate in this landscape and not live in a hole, but also not let it affect us more deeply?

Remember that what people are posting is most their own “highlight reel” of their life. We don’t see what we don’t see, and that’s probably the other 23 hours of their day that they’re not posting. I like to remind myself that the Kim K filters can’t cover up morning breath. They’re all human just like me and you.

Limits are helpful. think about how much you take in or put into social media each day and how you use it. Are you using it to grow your business or spread a message that is uplifting or important to you? Perhaps think about how much of that you actually need in a day. And the same goes for simple viewing. I’m a problem revenge-bedtime-scroller and so having time limits on my phone or setting some solid boundaries around this is helpful – not perfect, but helpful.

Brace yourself for possible unsolicited comments. Most people that comment on your posts are hopefully there to build you up, but there might be others who feel the need to share something unhelpful and sometimes straight up, rude. You never need to accept or tolerate hate. Delete those comments. Block those people. If we know that that is a possibility, and set up some proper supports around us to help us if we need, the sting might burn a little less.

Know you are valuable and worthy. There is nothing wrong with having your social support network be online or have it built around your posts. Try to pay attention to how much you’re checking for the likes, the hearts, and how much that influences how you see yourself. 10 out of 10 times, you there is more self-love to discover, but you might need to tap into that too. If you can’t find the value within yourself, we can help you find it.

We say, post away, do hot person sh!t, but know that your hotness is not determined by how many likes you get.